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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28063134">onion router</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Control_Room/pseuds/Control_Room'>Control_Room</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bendy and the Ink Machine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Humor, Joke Fic, Onions, onion router, trapped in office, well written tho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:33:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>250</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28063134</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Control_Room/pseuds/Control_Room</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Joey did not mean it literally.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joey Drew &amp; Bertrum Piedmont</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>onion router</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Parrot_Assbutt/gifts">Parrot_Assbutt</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Joey did not know what to do with all of the onions on his office floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did not understand why the onion router took the request literally, and now he was on the verge of tears. Not really from the fumes, though those made an impact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The poor man was just so confused and had no idea what to do with all of the roots. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were… so many. He could see at least one whole thousand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had no idea what to do with them; and from the looks of it he was trapped in his office by them as well, the door blockaded by about seventy. One solution came to mind, but he decided after much deliberation that he would rather die in his seat than eat them, especially raw. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Joey stared at them all, as if willing them to leave with only the power of his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a sigh, he slumped over his desk and found his dial up phone, eventually, and managed to call Bertrum.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uncle Bertie?” he asked in a little voice, realizing he was about to sound absolutely crazy. “I need a bit of help. Send the twins.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on, my lad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m stuck in my office….” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did your door handle break off?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… there are onions.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... onions.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, onions.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Literal onions? Are they threatening you or something of the sort?” Bertrum teased, flustering him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There are two thousand onions here,” he informed him. “Send help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“....”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m bringing a camera.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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